JesseTsim

普通大學生

九月再见。

我爸凌晨发信息来说,九月再见。

但离八月还有两天。

想到二十多天前拉着行李箱从sjc出来一脸懵逼的情景,原来已经过去了大半个月。每天过着无聊平淡的生活,每天都有个7点到12点的白天。每天缓慢的工作,周一周三固定的上课,二四七固定的健身。感觉是适应了,但谈不上开心。虽说机缘巧合到的staford,但项目的事情,并不让人满意。低效率的沟通,让人烦恼。

如果说二十天给我什么体验,最大的可能是一个人在陌生环境,陌生文化中生活的不易。无论是到达的第一天从机场到学校,还是金门大桥回学校,抑或从gillory回家,都让人疲惫的过程。手机没有网络的时候要叫到uber,傍晚无人的街区要坐上最后一趟去火车站的巴士,火车停运要坐巴士却被迫中途在轻轨电车站转乘,空无一人的火车站走错站台几乎错过回家的caltrain,在空荡的街道拍照无端被黑人咆哮威胁,还有便利店里店家莫名的恶意。

以前总觉得在国内几乎可以车到山前必有路,现在每次出门都要做好万全的准备--现金、移动充、保暖的衣服,一件都不能少;提前查好路线,做好使用各种交通工具的准备;如果去远点的地方还要控制好手机的电量和信号,常看地图。一不留神可能就出现在荒无人烟,四处不到边,又没有手机信号的地方。说来也是讽刺,在全世界科技最发达的地方,有最缓慢的4G网络,而且还没有2G信号。

大概就像师兄说的,你觉得你在这活的不舒服,完全因为你没有交通工具。我想也是这样的,有车开的话,我就没那么多需要准备的了,大不了走失了还可以自己开回来,但是走路就难说了。

中午把单车丢去修了之后,坐巴士出来剪头发。local的八月巴士摇摇晃晃一个小时才到san clara,坐下来我才发现有41个站。车子很空,前前后后可能只有5 6个人,但却足够让我觉得那不是我的地方。我穿的太好。摇了半程突然意识到,巴士主要是为那些买不起车的人的。在但凡有个工作都能买得起车的美国,给买不起车的人,也就是说给穷人的。只是美国的穷人给我的感觉很奇怪,大家都性格迥异,但无一有尼泊尔穷人的和善,让人感觉到不接纳与抗拒。与环境格格不入的感觉,完全是心理上的负担,悲剧的是又没有可以说话的人。

于是一个人无论去哪,从早到晚,似乎也没有说过几句话。

Again-Forgive My Poor English

The first time I used lofter was in Nepal, the beautiful but rural country at the south of Everest. That was also the first time for me to be alone, far from the busy urban life.

 

Beforebeing there, I had never thought of photography but there was a series of photofrom leica.org.cn striking me and put me to a totally unknown area--photography. (Sorry for not finding that page again)

 

The pure environment and poor living condition leave me with plenty of time to think of myself as well as my life. And at that time, I was begin to capture something of mymind -- by photography, by taking photo of the world.

 

Although it was odd to say taking photos to seize my thoughts, it was my experience, photography is a way to see the world and look deep into oneself.  And that was the beginning of my road to photo. After that trip, I wrote, "Travel is seeing the world and finding oneself."

 

Two years later, I'm in America for intern and straggling for my undergraduate appliance. Although this is the way I'm going to, the direction is not that clear as my imagine. I was thinking all along the way to be here, which is my target to aim at. First it showed up to be nothing, then statistics, and turning to beinformation science, but still not being ambiguous. All these are not bad for me and all I'm interested in but all I'm not that interested in.

 

I have to say I were or am lost these two or three years, but in fact it is hard to figure out which is my favorite subject or whether there is one, all my need is focusing and diging deeply. 

 

To write down these words is somehow I decided to make some change this afternoon, to pick up the thing that I should keep doing after being back from Nepal. The hardest part for one to obtain or accomplish something is keeping as a habit. 

For photography, I went a long way shooting for shape or modality, which is not my original intention to shoot. And that makes me feel that it is not easily to take a photo recently -- I don't know I'm hunting for. Now it comes to me that I should keep thinking  why I'm shooting, but the first step--how tomake it good?

For my learning, I had tried a lot of things to do--learning Python, Java, SQL and lots of things that I might interested in. I had looked widely but being skilled in nothing. So it's time to concentrate.

And last, for writing, writing is the most basic thing that I should keep with and thinking as well all the way.

 

To be frankly, I want to set up a website for this. But it take several days for the ID verification and after which only can I process. 

So this shows out on loftier.

 

Sent from Mail


在CA弄不了个人网站,弄不了公众号。

左思右想,决定重开lofter。


写点什么,权当记录或者自我鞭策。


Pic.1,first try on luminous structure.

Pic.2, the parking lot beside stanford shopping avenue.

Pic.3, mother&son front of golden gate bridge.

Pic.4, city wire line.

Pic.5, building glass in Palo Alto downtown.

Pic.6, pigeon lighthous, way on #1 route.

Pic.7, Golden Gate bridge.

像是突然发现了什么不得了的事情

都知道欠了多少作业。